Once upon an 80’s cartoon. . . .

In the Denubian galaxy very, very, very, very, far away, there lived a ruthless race of beings known as . . . Lionballs.

Episode Twenty-Seven

The evil leaders of Planet Arus, having foolishly polluted their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air away from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet Doom.

Today is Prince Lotor's wedding day. Unbeknownst to the prince, but knownst to us, danger lurks in the stars above. . .

If you can read this, you’re sitting too close to the monitor.

Lionball 1 passes by at a slow speed. It takes the ship about two minutes to pass. On the back end of the ship is a bumper sticker that says, “We brake for Anime Pretty-Boys”

Commander Keith is standing at the front of the ship’s bridge.

Rico: Commander Keith!

Keith: What is it, Sergeant Rico?

Rico: You told me to let you know the moment Planet Doom was in sight, sir.

Keith: So?

Rico: Planet Doom is in sight, sir.

Keith: You're really a Lionball. You know that, don't you?

Rico: Thanks, sir.

Keith: Have you notified Mistress Allura?

Rico: Yes, sir. I took the liberty. She's on her way.

Voltron Narrator: Make way for Mistress Allura.

Keith: All rise in the presence of Mistress Allura.

The entire bridge crew stands at attention. A door opens revealing Mistress Allura. She is dressed in her V3D flight suit with a powder blue cape attached. She walks from the door to where Keith is standing at the front of the bridge. As she passes the crew members, several say silent prayers. She stops in front of Keith and struggles to breathe.

Allura: I can't breathe in this thing. *Allura reaches around and unfastens her flight suit and in one swift motion, removes it. Thanks to “movie magic” she now stands before Keith and the bridge crew wearing thigh high black leather boots (with 6 inch heels) a very short, black leather mini-skirt, a black leather belt, a black leather corset that shows off her over-developed chest, black leather gloves that go up to her elbows and a black collar around her neck.

Keith: We're approaching Planet Doom, ma’am.

Allura: Good. I'll call Castle Control and notify President Coran immediately. *picks up the phone*

Rico: I already called him, ma’am. He knows everything.

Allura: *sets the phone down angrily* What? You went over my breasts?

Rico: Well, not exactly over them, ma’am. It was more to the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never, ever!

Allura: *pulls a small, smooth, cylindrical object from the back of her belt and turns it on. A small, humming sound is made as a green energy whip emerges from the device.

Rico: Oh shit! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that. *covers his neck*

Allura: Yes. That. *flicks her wrist and the energy whip strikes Rico's crouch*

Rico: Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww!

Guards appear and take Rico away as Allura puts her energy whip away.

Allura: Keith!

Keith: *covers his crouch* Ma’am?

Allura: I don't see Planet Doom. Where is it?

Keith: We don't have visual contact yet, ma’am, but we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you?

Allura: Na, never mind. I'll do it myself.

Keith: Very good, ma’am.

Allura walks off in the direction of the radar screen with Keith in tow. She stops in front of the first of two identical, vending machine looking, pieces of equipment.

Allura: *looks at the first screen with a puzzled look* What's the matter with this thing? What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen?

Keith: No, ma’am. We call it, “Mr. Cappuccino” *points at label* Care for some? *pushes some buttons to start the machine*

Allura: Yes! I always have cappuccino when I watch radar. You know that.

Keith: Of course I do, ma’am. *removes the cup from the cappuccino machine*

Allura: Everybody knows that!

Bridge Crew: *covers their crouch* Of course we do, ma’am!

Allura: *takes the cappuccino* Now that I have my cappuccino, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?

Keith: *points to label on the next machine over that says “Mr. Rader”* Right here, ma’am.

Allura: Switch to teleview.

Keith pushes a button and the radar screen changes to a picture of Planet Doom with a protective defense shield around it.

Allura: There it is, Planet Doom and underneath that defense shield, ten thousand years of fresh air. We must get through that shield.

Keith: We will, ma’am. Once we kidnap the prince, we will force his father, King Zarkon, to give us the combination to the defense shield. Thereby destroying Planet Doom and saving Planet Arus.

Allura *looks towards the audience* Everybody got that? Good! *looks back at Keith* When will the prince be married?

Keith: Within the hour, ma’am.

Allura: Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon. *takes a drink of her cappuccino, but the hot temperature causes her to spit it out and drop the cup onto her body, the cappuccino going down between her breasts*

Keith: What’s wrong ma’am?

Allura: Hot! Too hot!

On Planet Doom, everyone was busy gathering at the largest temple on the planet. Out side the door a sign reads: The First Intergalactic Temple of the Drules – Reformed. Today: The Royal Wedding of Prince Lotor to Princess Romelle. Tomorrow: Bingo.

At the Alter, Lotor stands before all the guests, his father standing to his right and slightly behind. To Zarkon’s right stood Yurak, who was fixing something on Zarkon’s dress uniform.

Lotor is tapping his foot impatient, looking rather irritated.

Zarkon: Oh, if only your mother were alive to see this day.

Lotor: If mom was here, she wouldn’t be forcing me to marry some strange princess.

Usher: *peeks in through the doors at the end of the aisle* All right, people. It's magic time.

Princess Romelle and King Bandor start walking down the aisle. The organ is playing “Here Comes the Bride.”

Lotor: Father?

Organ player looks over at Lotor and stops playing.

Bandor and Romelle stop in the middle of the aisle with puzzled looks on their face.

Lotor: Must I go through with this?

Zarkon: I'm sorry, my son, you have to. *nods to the organ player who starts playing again.

Romelle and Bandor start walking again.

Lotor: But father…

Organ stops again and so do Romelle and Bandor, all three have a disgusted look on their faces.

Lotor: I don't love her.

Zarkon: I'm sorry, Lotor, she's the last princess left in the galaxy.

Romelle yawns while Lotor looks at her. She smiles politely at him as Romelle and her brother finally reach the altar.

Judge Armistice: *standing upon a tall pedestal* Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this most joyous occasion, to witness Prince Lotor, son of King Zarkon....

Lotor jumps off the altar’s dais and starts running towards the door, Yurak runs after him.

Judge Armistice: ....going right past the altar, heading down the ramp, and out the door.

Zarkon: Stop him! Someone, stop him! Stop him!

Lotor exits the temple with Yurak right on his heels. The two run in the direction of the small, two person honeymoon shuttle.

Yurak: Hey wait! You forgot to get married. Will you stop?

The two reach the small shuttle and Lotor opens the door.

Yurak: What are you doing?

Lotor: *starts to get in the getaway car* Don’t ask questions. Just get in.

Yurak and Lotor get into the shuttle and close the hatch. The shuttle’s engines start up and the ramp tilts upward. Everyone else comes out of the temple.

Zarkon: What is he doing? Where is he going?

The shuttle takes off toward space.

Romelle: *yawns again* Come baaaaack!

The Pegasus 69, a Winnebago with wings, is traveling through space at a leisurely pace. Cossack is eating ice cream and dancing to music. Merla is asleep behind the wheel, a bottle of strong liquor is in her hand. The automatic pilot light is flashing. Suddenly, the phone starts ringing.

Merla: *is awoken by the ringing phone* Cossack. Cossack. Cossack!

Cossack: *yells over the loud music* Huh?

Merla: Cossack!

Cossack: Always when I'm eating!

Cossack: *dances badly through the Winnebago up to the cockpit, still eating his ice cream*

Merla: Cossack!

Cossack: What can I do you for, boss?

Merla: Where ya been?

Cossack: Oh, just grabbin' myself a snack. You want some? *offers some ice cream to Merla*

Merla: No!

Cossack: C'mon. A little Rocky Asteroids...

Merla: You know I’m on a diet. Now answer that phone for me, will ya?

Cossack: Oh, sure. *puts his ice cream down, hitting Merla with his cape as he does so*

Merla: Will you watch that thing?

Cossack: Oh, sorry. I'll just put it on audio. That way they won't see ya. *hits the video switch instead* Yello?

The monitor comes to life and Stryde the Tiger Fighter appears.

Stryde: Hello, Merla.

Cossack: Sorry, wrong switch.

Merla: Hello, Stryde, what do you want?

Stryde: No, no, no, no, no. It's not what I want. It's what he wants *looks to his left*

The screen moves and a robot appears onto the screen.

Amalgamus the Hutt: Well, if it isn't Merla, and her side kick, Kickass.

Cossack: That's Cossack.

Amalgamus: Cossack, Kickass, whatever. Where's my money?

Merla: Don't worry, Amalgamus. You'll have it by next week.

Amalgamus: No, no. I gotta have it by tomorrow.

Merla: A hundred thousand Lionbucks… by tomorrow?

Amalgamus: A hundred thousand? Ha, ha, ha. No way. You forgot late charges, which brings it up to, um, one million lionbucks.

Merla: A million? That's unfair.

Amalgamus: Unfair to payer, but enough to payee, but you’re gonna pay it, or else.

Cossack: Or else what?

Amalgamus: Tell 'em, Stryde.

Stryde: Or else Amalgamus is gonna assimilate you. *Stryde and Amalgamus laugh together*

Amalgamus: Chow!

The door to the defense shield around Planet Doom opened and Lotor flew his shuttle through it and out into space. Lotor sat comfortably behind the wheel listening to music in his headphones.

Yurak: Can we talk? Okay, we all know Princess Romelle is uptight and a stick in the mud, but you could've married her to get your father off your back and just have mistresses for the rest of your life.

Lotor just continues flying the shuttle, unable to hear Yurak through the headphones.

Yurak: Will you turn that thing off.

Lotor: What? *removes his helmet, the music now blaring into the cockpit of the shuttle* What is it?

Yurak: I was saying, do realize what you've done.

Lotor: Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad. *puts his helmet back on and enjoys his music*

Yurak: I wonder if he's glad.

President Coran’s office was located in the Castle of Lionballs on Arus. It was a spacious office, everything perfectly clean. President Coran was currently in his office talking to news reporter on the phone.

Coran: Don't be ridiculous. As president of Planet Arus, I can assure both you and your viewers, that there is absolutely no air shortage whatsoever. Yes, of course, I've heard the same rumor myself. Thanks for calling, and not reversing the charges. Bye. *hangs up phone* Shithead.

President Coran opened a desk drawer, pulling out an aluminum can. The label on the can reads: Perrier Salt-Free Air; Canned on Planet Doom. Coran opens the can and holds it to his nose, inhaling the air contained within.

Suddenly, a section of the wall activates and the image of Nanny appears on the screen.

Nanny: President Coran!

Coran: *throws the can behind him and closes the drawer* Yes?

Nanny: This is Castle Control, Lionball Commanderette Nanny speaking, sir.

Coran: Yes, what is it Nanny?

Nanny: Mistress Allura has informed us that Prince Lotor is in sight, and Lionball 1 is closing in on him.

Coran: *an evil smile appears upon his face* Good, good.

Nanny: We have both ships coming up on the teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.

Coran: I'll be down immediately!

Nanny: Shall I have Pidge beam you down, sir?

Coran: I don't about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?

Nanny: Oh yes, sir. Pidge beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.

Coran: All right, I take a shot at it. What the hell, it worked on Star Trek. *steps onto the transporter pod*

Nanny: Pidge, beam him down.

Pidge: Yes, ma’am. Immediately, ma’am.

Coran: *beams out of his office*

In Castle Control, the transporter pod began to glow brightly. Slowly, Coran’s body appeared before those working in Castle Control, his head and his arms were on backwards.

Handmaiden: Oh my, what's happened to his head?

Nanny: It's on backwards!

Coran: This is terrible! Do something!

Pidge: I'm sorry, sir. There must have been a micro converter malfunction.

Coran: *lifts up the tail on his suit* Why didn't somebody tell me ass was so big?

Everyone present looks and snickers.

Pidge: Hold on, sir. We'll try and reverse the beam. *says to himself: It could be the interlocking system.*

Coran looks around nervously then reaches down and scratches himself.

Pidge: *flipping switches* Lock 1, Lock 2, Lock 3, Lock lone…*turns and watches as Coran beams out*

The transporter pod in President Coran’s office lights up and he reappears, his body now back to normal.

Nanny: *reappears on the wall’s view screen* Are you all right, Mr. President?

Coran: Fine, fine, no thanks to you!

Nanny: We'll beam you back, sir.

Coran: Forget it. Forget it. No more beaming. This time I'm gonna walk. *turns and walks through the door into Castle Control*

Nanny: President Coran, salute!

Castle Control Crew: *everyone stands up then criss-crosses their arms just above their crotch, thrusting forward once.* Hail Coran!

Coran mimics the salute.

Women: *two beautiful and busty women get Coran’s attention* Hello, President Coran *they say in unison*

Coran: *walks up to the blonde* Oh, uh. Hello, Brooke.

Blonde: I'm Jenna.

Coran: *turns to the brunette* Hello, Jenna.

Brunette: I'm Brooke.

Coran: Go back to your webcams. *walks over to Commanderette Nanny* Where's the Prince?

Nanny: *takes Coran over to the teledar* Right there, sir. On the left side of the screen of the screen, approaching Lionball 1, at fifteen hundred light leagues per minute.

Coran: Good, good. He’s almost in our grasp. Tell Mistress Allura that she must take the Prince alive.

Commander Keith and Mistress Allura stood at the front of Lionball 1’s bridge, looking out through the viewport. Ahead of them is Lotor’s honeymoon shuttle..

Keith: Prince Lotor's spaceship within range, ma’am.

Allura: Good. Fire a warning shot across his nose.

The guns of Lionball 1 spring to life, laser blasts exploding all around Lotor’s spacecraft.

Lotor: *removes his helmet* What's going on?

Yurak: Its either the 4th of July, or someone trying to kill us.

Lotor: Hey! I don't have to put up with this. I'm rich. *takes out his cell phone*

Yurak: What are you doing?

Lotor: I'm calling my father. *starts dialing* 1-800-4MY-DOOM.

Allura: Careful, you idiot. I said across his nose, not up it.

Lance: *lifts up the eye guard on his helmet, revealing that he is cross-eyed* Sorry, ma’am. I’m doing my best.

Allura: Who made that man a gunner?

Major Graham: *stands up, revealing that he is also cross-eyed* I did, ma’am. He's my cousin.

Allura: Who is he?

Keith: He's a Jackass, ma’am.

Allura: I know that. What's his name?

Keith: That is his name, ma’am. Jackass, Major Graham Jackass.

Allura: And his cousin?

Keith: He's a Jackass, too, ma’am. Gunner's-mate, 1st Class, Lance Jackass.

Allura: How many Jackasses we got on this ship, anyhow?

Bridge Crew: *All but few crew members stand up and raise their hands* YO!

Allura: *turns around, looking at all the people who stood up* I knew it, I'm surrounded by Jackasses. *turns back towards the viewport* Keep firing, you Jackasses.

Lotor: *talking on his cell phone while trying to fly the spacecraft* Hurry, Daddy, hurry. There’s laser blasts all around us. I'm so scared.

Merla and Cossack are cruising through space when their video monitor sparks to life. On the screen is King Zarkon and he seems very worried and upset.

Zarkon: King Zarkon to Merla. King Zarkon to Merla. Are you there?

Merla: I’m here your highness.

Zarkon: Merla, you've got to help me. Please, save my son, He's being attacked by Lionballs.

Merla: Lionballs? Forget it. Too dangerous. Besides, I'm already numero uno on Mistress Allura's hit list.

Cossack: Look, your highness, it's not that we're afraid, far from it. It's just we got this thing about death. It's not us.

Zarkon: Please, you must. You're the only ones who can save him. I'll give anything. Did you her me? Anything!

Cossack: Anything?

Zarkon: Yes! Anything!

Merla: Okay, we'll do it for a million.

Zarkon: A million?

Cossack: Whoa, you startin' to fade here. We're losing picture, your highness.

Zarkon: All right, all right, I'll pay it. Only find him, save him.

Merla: All right, King, you just made a deal.

Cossack: One prince for one million Lionbucks.

Merla: What's he drivin'?

Zarkon: A brand new, white Cadillac Deville, 2008 VV Limited Edition. Moon roof, all leather interior. I got it at a very good price. I paid cash. My cousin, Hazar, has a dealership in the valley. He was very nice to me.

Merla: We get the idea. Where was he last seen.

Zarkon: He was just passing 3rd Earth.

Merla: We'll find him.

Zarkon: Please, bring my son back safely. And, if it's all possible, try to save the car.

Cossack: *turns off the monitor* One million Lionbucks! We'll be able to pay off Amalgamus the Hutt.

Merla: Let’s not waste any time. There’s a spoiled, rich kid waiting to be rescued.

A blue, magnetic beam shoots out from Lionball 1, enveloping Lotor’s shuttle.

Lotor: What's happening? What's that glow? We're not moving.

Yurak: Oh, we're moving all right, backwards.

Merla: *flying the Pegasus 69 towards Lotor's shuttle with Lionball 1 right behind him* Look, there's our prince. He's got company.

Cossack: Oh, no, Lionballs and they've already got him in their magnetic beam. Oh, well, we're too late. What a shame. I'll just throw us in reverse, and we'll get outta here. *reaches for the reverse switch*

Merla: *smacks Cossack's hand* Cossack, no. Bad Cossack!

Cossack: Oh, what are we doing risking our lives for a runaway prince? I know we need the money...

Merla: Listen. We're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shit load of money!

Cossack: Oh, you're right, and when you're right, you're right, and you, you're always right. Okay, we save him, but how? The minute we move in there, they're spot us on their radar.

Merla: Uh-uh.

Cossack: Uh-huh.

Merla: Uh-uh.

Cossack: Uh-huh.

Merla: Uh-uh, not if we jam it.

Cossack: Ah, ha! You're right.

Merla: Down scope.

Cossack: Down scope. *pushes a button and the periscope comes down in front of him* Radar, about to be jammed. *pushes the firing button on the periscope*

A bottle of jam flies away from the Pegasus 69 and crashes into the radar dish.

Cheddar, Cheesy, and Suki are all manning the radar station. The screen blinks, the images become wavy, then replaced by snow and finally disappear completely.

Cheddar: Eeep! (subtitle: Shit!).

Cheesy: Eeep eep eep eep eep! (subtitle: Call the commander!)

Suki: *pulls the phone receiver off the hook then dials the extension for the public announcement system* Ep eeep ep eep. (subtitle: Excuse me, sir)

Keith: *hears the intercom and looks over towards the radar station* What is it?

Suki: Eep ep eepp ep ep eep ep eepeep eeeppp eep? (subtitle: Can I talk to for a minute, please, sir.)

Keith: *with a frustrated look on his face, he walks over to the radar station*

Allura: *with a somewhat confused look on her face, she follows Keith to the radar station*

Keith: *addresses the three mice standing on the radar console* Well?

Suki: Ep eeeppp eeeeppp eeep eep eepee eep (subtitle: I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.)

Keith: You don't need that, Private, we're right here. *reaches down and takes the phone from Suki and hangs it up* Now, what is it?

Suki: eeeep eep eppe epee eeep eepee epe (subtitle: I'm having trouble with radar, sir.)

Allura: What's wrong with it?

Cheddar: Eep eeep eep eeeeps (subtitle: I've lost the bleeps)

Cheesy: Eep eeep eep eeeeps (subtitle: I've lost the sweeps)

Suki: Eep eep eep eep eeeeps (subtitle: and I've lost the creeps.)

Allura: The what?

Keith: The what?

Allura: and the what?

Cheddar: Eep eep eep eeeeps (subtitle: You know, the bleeps) *makes bleeping sounds*

Cheesy: Eep eeeeps (subtitle: the sweeps) *makes sweeping sounds*

Suki: Eep eep eeeeps (subtitle: and the creeps) *makes creeping sounds*

Allura: *speaks to Keith* That's not all they've lost.

Cheddar: *starts jumping up and down* Ep'ep. Eep eepee ep'ep. Ep eppeeps ep ep…(subtitle: Ma'am. The radar, ma'am. It appears to be....)

Jam starts dripping down the screen, onto the console and down onto the floor, creating a pool.

Cheesy: ….eeeeep (subtitle ....jammed.)

Allura: Jammed? *touches the screen with her finger and then tastes it* Cherry. There's only one woman who would dare give me the cherry. Merla!

Allura: *pivots on her foot, turning towards Keith but slips in the pool of jam, her feet flying out from under her causing her to land hard on her back*

Cheddar, Cheesy, and Suki: *watch Allura fall to the floor* Eeep! (subtitle: Shit!)

Merla flew the Pegasus 69 to Lotor's shuttle, hovering just above it. The ladder attached to the under carriage of Merla's winnebago dropped down. Cossack opened a hatch in the floor of the Pegasus 69 and climbed down the ladder, stepping onto the roof of Lotor's shuttle.

Lotor: What was that?

Cossack: *knocks on the moon roof*

Yurak: Never mind that. What was that?

The moon roof opens revealing Cossack smiling.

Lotor &Yurak: Ah!

Cossack: Hi.

Lotor: Who are you?

Cossack: I'm Cossack.

Lotor: What do you want?

Cossack: Your father hired Captain Merla and me to save ya. C'mon , we gotta hop up this ladder and get outta here.

Yurak: Go, hurry, quickly your highness, follow the dumbass.

Cossack: Cossack. My name is Cossack.

Yurak: Whatever.

Lotor: Wait. What about my matched luggage?

Cossack: *starts whimpering*

Lotor climbs up the ladder, followed by Yurak, and then Cossack, his arms filled with Lotor's luggage.

Yurak: Hey! Stop looking up my cape!

Cossack: Sorry.

As Prince Lotor and Yurak go to the room at the back end of the Pegasus 69, Cossack heads towards the front of the space craft.

Merla: *looks back and sees Cossack carrying Lotor's luggage* Checking in? What the hell is all that?

Cossack: *with strap in mouth* It's his royal highness's matched luggage.

Merla: What?

Cossack: *takes strap out of mouth* His royal highness's matched luggage.

Merla: Matched luggage, huh? What's he think this is a princess cruise.

Cossack: Well, he wouldn't go without it. *sits down in the co-pilot seat*

Merla: Oh, yeah? *picks up microphone and begins to speak* Now hear this, as soon as we get outta hear, the first thing we do is dump the matched luggage.

Yurak: What was that?

Lotor: *turns on the intercom* Now you hear this, whoever you are, you will not touch that luggage, and furthermore, I want this pig-sty cleaned up. I will not be rescued in such filth.

Merla: *in microphone* Listen. On this ship, I don't take orders, I give 'em. This is my dream boat, honey.

Lotor: honey?

Yurak: Uh-oh.

Lotor: How dare you speak to me that way. You will address me in the proper manner as your royal highness. I am Prince Lotor, son of Zarkon, King of the Drulites.

Merla: Oh. That's all we needed, a Droolish prince.

Cossack: Funny. He doesn't look Droolish.

As the Pegasus 69 flies away from Lionball 1, Lotor's shuttle is pulled into the giant spacecraft. Guards fill a small room as the floor opens and Lotor's shuttle rises up through the opening. Commander Keith and Mistress Allura enter the room, flanked by guards.

Allura: Now, we will show him who is in charge of this galaxy.

Guard: *cocks the blaster in his hand*.

Allura: Hold it. I'll handle this…personally.

Guard: Ya-vo, Mistress Allura.

Allura: *looks towards the guard and shakes her head. She turns her attention back to Lotor's shuttle. She cups her breasts, lifts them up and steps down the stairs towards the shuttle* So, Prince Lotor, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Arus. Well, you were wrong. You are now our prisoner, and you will held hostage until such time, as all of the air is transferred from your planet to ours.

Allura: *opens the door and looks inside* He's not in there.

Everyone drops their guns and immediately covers their crotch with their hands

Cheddar: *his voice comes over the p.a. system* Eepee eepeeeep eep.(subtitle: Radar repaired, sir).

Suki: *voice comes over the p.a. system* Ep'ep eeeepeep ep eep eepeepe ep e epeeepeep (subtitle: We're picking up the outline of a Winnebago)

Allura: Winnebago? Merla. Merla! *bangs on the door frame of the shuttle. The door falls down on her, pushing her inside. Allura's legs are sticking out from the car, her body wiggling about as she tries to free herself*

Merla: *looks up at the radar screen and sees Lionball 1 approaching* Uh-oh. Here comes the bad year blimp.

Cossack:: We'd better get outta here in a hurry.

Merla: *looks at Cossack* Switch to secret hyper jets.

Cossack: Switching to secret hyper jets.

Merla: *picks up the microphone and speaks to Lotor and Yurak* Buckle up back there, we're going into hyperactive.

Allura and Keith stood at the front of Lionball 1's bridge. Pegasus 69 was flying in front of them.

Keith: We're closing in on them, ma'am. In less than minute, Merla will be ours.

Allura: *picks at her nails* Good. Prepare to attack.

Keith: Prepare to attack!

Allura: On the count of three. One, two....

Just before Allura counts to three, the hyper jets of Pegasus 69 light up and the craft disappears into hyper space.

Allura: Wait. What happened? Where are they?

Keith: I don't know, ma'am. They must have hyper jets on that thing.

Allura: And what have we got on this thing a cuisine art?

Keith: No, ma'am.

Allura: Well, find them! Catch them.!

Keith: Yes, ma'am. *picks up the phone and speaks into the p.a. system* Prepare shipfor light speed!

Allura: No, you idiot! Light speed is too slow.

Keith: Light speed, too slow?

Allura: Yes, we're gonna have to go right to preposterous speed.

Bridge Crew: *everyone gasps*

Keith: *gasps* Preposterous speed? Ma'am, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it.

Allura: What's the matter, Commander Keith, no lion balls?

Keith: *speaks into the phone in a high pitched voice* Prepare ship, *clears his throat and speaks normally into the phone* …Prepare ship for preposterous speed. Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the 3-ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo....

Allura: *grabs the phone out of Keith's hand* Give me that you petty excuse for an officer!

Keith: *takes his seat and buckles up*

Allura: *speaks into the phone* Now hear this, preposterous speed....

Keith: Ma'am, hadn't you better buckle up?

Allura: *speaks directly to Keith* Ah, buckle this! *speaks into the phone* Preposterous speed, Go!

The engines light up and the ship shoots forward. A display lights up, indicating which speed Lionball 1 is now at. Through the view screen, the stars streak by in lines of white light as the sign for Light Speed lights up. As the ship approaches Unreasonable Speed, the white lines formed by the streaking stars turn to shades of red, blue, green and yellow. Suddenly, the multi-colored streaks came together and formed a plaid design as the ship reached Preposterous Speed.

Allura: Whoa! *is lifted off her feet as Lionball 1 accelerated. Desperately, she clings to the console in front of her* What have I done? My breasts are being pulled down to my feet.

Inside Pegasus 69, Merla and Cossack instinctively duck their heads as Lionball 1 passes over them leaving a plaid shadow.

Cossack: What the hell was that?

Merla: *with a look of disbelief* Lionball 1

Cossack: They've gone to plaid.

Allura: *still clinging to the console, yelling at Keith* We passed them. Stop this thing!

Keith: We can't stop. It's too dangerous. We have to slow down first.

Allura: Bullshit. Just stop this thing. I order you. Stooooop!

Keith: *reaches over and pulls on the emergency brake handle*

The ship immediately drops out of preposterous speed and Allura goes flying forward, crashing into the gunner. The two fall to the floor in a tangled mess.

Keith: *panics, unfastening his seat belt he rushes over to Allura and the gunner, who is laying on top of Allura between her legs. Keith helps the gunner get off of Allura and then helps her up* Are you all right, ma'am?

Allura: *a little dazed* Fine. How've you been?

Keith: Fine, ma'am.

Allura: Good. *straightens her hair and pushes her crumpled skirt back down below her waist*

Keith: What should we do now, ma'am?

Allura: *still dazed* Well, are we stopped?

Keith: We're stopped, ma'am.

Allura: Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break.

Keith: Very good, ma'am.

Allura: Smoke if you got 'em. *falls back, sitting herself down on the control panel next to the gunner's station with a thud*

Merla and Cossack relax into their seats after watching Lionball 1 pass over them.

Merla: Take her out of hyperactive.

Cossack: Taking her out of hyperactive. *pulls down a switch* Ah, congrats, boss, we did it. They must have overshot us by an episode and a half.

Merla: *laughs* Okay, let's set a course for Planet Doom.

Cossack: Setting a course for *suddenly, the Pegasus 69 starts shaking* Plan nnn et Doo ooo ooo ooom.

Merla: What's that?

Cossack: I don't know. I don't know. We're losing power.

Merla: Why?

Cossack: *taps on power readout, which indicates that there is no power* Cause we're outta juice.

Merla: We must've burned it up in hyperactive.

Cossack: I told you we should've installed more than two AA's.

Merla: Okay, we'll have to lay her down. Prepare for emergency landing. *starts pushing buttons and flipping switches* Quick, give me a reading!

Cossack: *puts his hands together and prays* Oh my Father who art in heaven, scared shitless be thy name. Please save my ass…

Merla: Will you stop that? *slapped Cossack's shoulder then picks up the phone and speaks to Lotor and Yurak* Keep your seat belts fastened back there. You okay, prince?

Lotor: No, you bitch. Where'd you learn to handle a flight stick?

Merla: Okay, the Pegasus 69 is coming in.

Merla desperately tried to retain control of Pegasus 69 as the ship headed for the surface of the Moon of Pollux.

Cossack: Ahh. Left, right, I mean right. Pull up, pull up.

Doing her best, Merla brings the ship down into a sand dune.

Lotor: *after holding on for dear life, he stands up once the ship has come to a complete stop*

Yurak: *to Lotor* Where are you going?

Lotor: *to Yurak* I'm going to tell her off once and for all.

Yurak: *to Lotor* Wwwwwwwait. We'll need her to get us outta here.

Merla: *to Cossack* Called me a bitch? I'm going back there and explain a few things to him!

Yurak: *to Lotor* Besides, she's got a sexy voice. She might be hot. *winks at Lotor*

Cossack: *to Merla* Yeah, but, you don't know what he looks like.

Merla: *to Cossack* I know what he looks like. If you've seen one prince, you've seen 'em all.

Lotor: *to Yurak* Hot? I know these space chicks. They're all alike. Fat, nasty....

Merla: *to Cossack* Pale-faced, soft skinned....

Lotor: *to Yurak* ....flat-chested, whores! *leaves the room and heads to the cockpit to face off with Merla*

Merla: ....pussy-whipped, spoiled brats! *gets up and heads to the back to face off against Lotor*

Cossack: Yeah, well, I normally I'd, *tries to get up but the seat belt is still attached* ow, that's gonna leave a mark.

Lotor: *meets Merla half way through the winnebago* Now listen you.... *stops dead in his tracks at seeing how attractive Merla is*

Merla: *stops dead at the sight of Lotor, then begins her rant* You listen. On this ship, you're to refer to me as bitch, not you captain. I mean, you know what I mean.

Lotor: And you will not call me you. You will never address me as you. You will call me your Royal Majesty.

Merla: You are royal pain in the....

Cossack: *walks in during the height of the argument* Whoa, hold it, time.

Merla & Lotor: What?

Cossack: May I make a small suggestion? Any minute now, the Lionballs are gonna make a major U-turn, head back this way, and make us all……..dead.

Merla: He's right. Let's go.

Lotor: Wait. My things.

Merla: Listen, you royal....

Cossack: *clears his throat*

Merla: ....majesty. Take only what need to survive.

Cossack: Yeah….

Merla, Cossack, Lotor, and Yurak left the Pegasus 69 and headed out across the desert landscape of the Moon of Pollux. Lotor walked along with a pink and white umbrella in his hand. Yurak followed close behind him, pulling a cart. Merla and Cossack bring up the rear, carrying a large trunk.

Yurak: Your Highness, please, slow down. I'm getting sand up my ass.

Cossack: *to Merla* Geez. I hope he didn't forget anything.

Merla: All right, wait a minute, Cossack, put it down. What the hell's in this thing? *Merla opened the trunk and pulled out a huge hair dryer*

Merla: What's this? I said take only what you need to survive.

Lotor: It's my industrial strength hair dryer, and I can't live without it.

Merla: Okay, prince. That's it. The fairy-tale is over. Welcome to real-life. You want this hot-air machine, you carry it. *drops the hair dryer onto the sand*

Lotor: You pick that up!

Merla: You…pick that up *points to the hair dryer*

Lotor: How dare you, you insolent whore! Nobody talks to me that way. Nobody!

Merla: Well, what have we got here? Will you look at him.

Cossack: Oooooo.

Merla: Those cold eyes. Those dark blue cheeks. Those quivering, pale lips. You know something prince you are ugly when you're angry.

Yurak: Uh-oh.

Lotor: That's it. You and your dumbass co-pilot are f....

Cossack: Please, if I may, it's going to be very dark soon, so I suggest we find a place to camp for the night.

Yurak: Come Prince Lotor.

Yurak and Lotor walk away, pulling the cart behind them. Merla and Cossack pick up the trunk and follow Lotor and Yurak across the desert, leaving the hair dryer behind.

Merla: See, it's lighter.

Cossack: Oh yeah. This is best. I could carry two or three of these.

Aboard Lionball 1, Allura and Keith stood behind Jeff, who sat at one of the radar screens.

Allura: *sipped on a pink daiquiri* Have you found them yet?

Jeff: No, Mistress Allura. They're still not on the scanners.

Allura: Well, keep looking for them. *takes another sip of her daiquiri*

Keith: Pardon me, ma'am. I have an idea. Jeff, get me the dvd of Lionballs-the Movie.

Jeff: Yes, sir. *gets up and walks over to a bookcase, quietly reading off the names of the dvd's in the ship's library* The Producers, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, Spaceballs, Madman's LV Series, Madman's VV Series…

Allura: Commander Keith, may I speak with you, please?

Keith: Yes, ma'am. *walks over to Allura*

Allura: *speaks softly into Keith's ear* How could there be a dvd of Lionballs-the Movie. We're still in the middle of negotiating distribution rights.

Keith: That's true, ma'am, but there's been a new breakthrough in digital video marketing.

Allura: There has?

Keith: Yes. Aussie dvd's. They're out in stores before the distribution rights have been negotiated.

Allura: Naaaaa.

Jeff: *continues reading the names of the dvd's* Abbott and Costello meet Voltron, The Voltron Force Gone Wild, Fleet of Doom, Back Door Princesses, Voltron: The Third Dimension: The Special Edition…Here it is, sir. Lionballs. *grabbing the dvd, Jeff rushes back to his station*

Keith: Good work, Jeff. Punch it up.

Jeff: *starts the dvd. The screen comes alive, displaying the FBI Warning*

Keith: This much too early. Prepare to fast-forward!

Jeff: Preparing to fast-forward.

Keith: Fast-forward!

Keith: Fast-forwarding, sir.

Allura: *stands behind Jeff, watching previous scenes from the movie on the monitor*

Jeff: *fast forwards the movie through the opening scene of Allura coming onto the bridge of Lionball 1, the preposterous speed scene and a scene in which Allura and the cross-eyed Lance exit a utility closet, straightening their clothes and Allura wiping her mouth*

Allura: Nnnnno. Go past this, past this part. In fact, never play this again. *sips her daiquiri, trying to act non-chalant*

Keith: Try here. Stop.

The movie resumes its normal playback speed, showing Keith and Allura looking at a monitor, watching themselves.

Allura: *looks at the camera, then he turns back to the monitor. The monitor showing Allura's actions at exactly the same time*

Keith: *looks at the camera when Allura looks back at the monitor, then he looks back at the monitor.*

Allura: *looks at the camera as Keith looks back at the monitor. Allura turns and faces the monitor, then waves her hand up and down behind Jeff's head. Allura watches herself perform the same action on the monitor*

Allura: *turns the to camera, pointing at it* What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?

Keith: Now. You're looking at now, ma'am. Everything that happens now, is happening now *points to the monitor*

Allura: What happened to then?

Keith: We passed then?

Allura: When?

Keith: Just now. We're at now, now.

Allura: Go back to then.

Keith: When?

Allura: Now.

Keith: Now?

Allura: Now.

Keith: I can't.

Allura: Why?

Keith: We missed it.

Allura: When?

Keith: Just now.

Allura: When will then be now?

Jeff: *rewinds the tape, stopping at the point when Merla, Cossack, Lotor, and Yurak are walking through the desert*

Keith: Soon.

Allura: How soon?

Jeff: Ma'am.

Allura: What?

Jeff: We've identified their location.

Allura: Where?

Jeff: It's the Moon of Pollux.

Keith: Good work. Set a course, and prepare for our arrival.

Allura: When?

Jeff: Nineteen-hundred hours, sir.

Keith: By high-noon, tomorrow, they will be our prisoners.

Allura: Whoooooo? *yells with such power that as she stretched her arms out her breasts pop out of the black corset that she is wearing*

Night has fallen upon the Moon of Pollux.

Yurak: *is sleeping with a light on his watching blinking.

Lotor: *is staring up into space, trying to keep warm in the cold desert night*

Merla: *sits down beside Lotor and offers him her coat*

Lotor: No thank you. I'm perfectly all right.

Merla: Take it, It's freezing *puts the jacket on Lotor*

Lotor: If you insist. *smells the aroma of cheap perfume on the coat* Won't you be cold?

Merla: Na, cold never bothers me. *crosses her arms across her chest to hide her body's obvious reaction to the cold air*

Lotor: I can't seem to find Planet Doom.

Merla: It's right there. *nods off to a corner of the sky*

Lotor: Where?

Merla: Right there. *points to a bright pink star* It's that bright, pink one, right there. See?

Lotor: Oh, yeah. But it's so far away.

Merla: Don't worry. I'll get ya there.

Lotor: Which one's yours?

Merla: Who knows?

Lotor: You don't know where you’re from?

Merla: Not really. I was found on the doorstep of a bordello.

Lotor: A bordello? Where?

Merla: Somewhere in the back of the Saturn Galaxy.

Lotor: Well, didn't the whores tell you who your parents?

Merla: They couldn't. They all had their mouths full and didn't ask my parents who they were. All I got was this. *pulls a medallion out from underneath her shirt* It was around my neck.

Lotor: What is it?

Merla: I don't know. I've taken it to every wise woman in the universe. No one can tell me what it means.

Lotor: It's beautiful. You know I..*looks up and realizes he is merely centimeters from Merla's face*.. It's beautiful.

Merla: *puts the medallion back under her shirt* So how come you ran away from your wedding?

Lotor: Well, if you must know, I wasn't in love with the bride.

Merla: Why were you gonna marry her?

Lotor: Because, I'm a prince and I have to marry a princess.

Merla: Ah, and she doesn't rev your warp drive?

Lotor: No, she doesn't rev my warp drive. I really must go back. I shouldn't have run away. I realize, now, that love is one luxury a prince cannot afford.

Merla: You're probably right.

Lotor: I know, now, that I must live without love.

Merla: I guess so.

Lotor: Besides, love isn't that important.

Merla: Naaa, never was.

Lotor: I could be perfectly happy the rest of my life without love. *looks at Merla*

Merla: Sure you could.*moves in closer to Lotor*

Lotor: Without physical contact.

Merla: Yeah.

Lotor: Without being held. *moves closer to Merla*

Merla: Yeah. *moves in closer*

Lotor: Or kissed.

Lotor and Merla are about to kiss when an alarm starts going off.

Yurak: *the flashing light turns from green to red and makes an irritating sound that echoes across the desert*

Cossack: *wakes up* Abandon ship. Abandon ship. Women and comic sidekicks first!

Yurak: *is jolted awake and scrambles to turn off his alarm*

Lotor: *quickly separates himself from Merla*

Merla: What the hell was that noise?

Yurak: My bad. I forgot to adjust my watch's alarm for the time zone of this moon.

Merla: All right. Let's all get some sleep. We gotta get moving before dawn.

Cossack: Why so early?

Merla: Because, we're in the middle of the desert, and we're not gonna get very far once that blazing sun gets overhead.

Dissolve to a shot of a blazing sun.

Cossack: Nice dissolve.

The next morning, Merla is walking, followed by Cossack, Yurak, and Lotor. They are all very tired.

Merla: Water, water.

Cossack: *panting* Water.

Yurak: Budweiser, Budweiser

Lotor: Room service, room service.

The scene dissolves into another image of a blazing sun.

Merla is carrying Lotor in her arms. Cossack is carrying Yurak on his back. Lotor and Yurak are passed out.

Cossack: I can't, I can't go, I can't go any further.

Merla: Just one more dune to go.

Cossack: Nope. You said that three dunes ago. I got no more left. Oh, waiter, check please. *falls down, dropping Yurak beside him*)

Merla: Must go on. Must go on. Must go on. Who am I kidding? *drops Lotor then falls down beside him*

Seven short, little Ewoks, are walking across the desert happily singing, until they see Merla and the others laying on the ground and go to their aid.

Wicket: *points to Merla and the others as makes speaks in a primitive dialect*

The Ewoks split up and start giving water to Lotor, Merla, Cossack, and Yurak.

Cossack: Oh, thanks little guy. *starts lapping the water*

Merla: Thank you.

Ewok: *gives Merla the thumbs up*

Merla: Did I miss something? When did we get to Skywalker Ranch?

Merla, Lotor, Yurak, and Cossack are led by the Ewoks across the desert.

Allura, Keith and a bored Private were in a transport in the middle of the desert looking for Merla and the others.

Allura: *is standing up, looking through binoculars. Instead of her dominatrix outfit she is wearing her famous pink bikini* I don't see them, Keith.

Keith: I've sent the troops on up to Area 51, ma'am.

Allura: Good. Let's get moving.

Keith: Yes, ma'am. Driver, prepare to move out.

Allura: What are you preparing? You're always preparing. Just go!

Keith: Just go.

Driver: Yes, sir.

Keith: Ma'am, shouldn't you sit down?

The cruiser takes off, and Allura is thrown into the backseat.

The Ewoks lead Merla, Cossack, Yurak, and Lotor to a secret door hidden in one of the sand dunes. The Wicket opens the door and enters, the other Ewoks follow him in. The last Ewok motions for Merla and the others to follow. Reluctantly, the four travelers enter the secret passageway and walk down a small flight of stairs.

Wicket: *makes several chirping and clicking sounds*

Cossack: What are they saying?

Lotor: Well, it's obvious they want us to go with them.

Taking each other's hand, they start walking down a tunnel with a huge statue at the end.

Lotor: What is this place?

Cossack: It looks like the Castle of Lions.

Yurak: It sure ain't Cinderella's Castle.

Merla: C'mon. I think we'd better follow 'em.

Steam starts coming out of the ears of the statue.

Cossack: Ah-oh. I think we woke it up.

Yurak: Goodbye, folks. *turns around and starts running to the door* Let me know how the episode ends.

Lotor: Comeback here, Yurak. *grabs Yurak's arm and pulls him back around* We need you.

Merla: C'mon, we're almost there.

Lotor: What's gonna happen now?

Merla: Don't ask, maybe it won't.

Cossack: Well, what if it does? I don't about know about you, but I'm all for leaving. I think we ought to get out of here....

Fire comes out of the statue's mouth.

Merla, Lotor, Yurak, and Cossack jump back.

Cossack: Wow!

Voice: Silence! Who dares enter the sacred and awesome presence of the everlasting know-it-all, Yoplait.

Merla, Lotor, Yurak, Cossack: Yoplait!

The bottom of the statue opens up and King Alfor appears.

Yoplait: You heard of me?

Merla: Heard of ya? Who hasn't heard of Yoplait?

Lotor: Yoplait, the Light.

Yurak: Yoplait, the Thick and Creamy.

Cossack: Yoplait, the Smoothie Grande.

Yoplait: Please, please, don't make a fuse. I'm just original Yoplait.

Merla: But you're the one....

Yoplait: Yes. I am the keeper of a greater magic. A power known throughout the universe, known as....

Cossack: The Schwartz?

Yoplait: No. The Schitz.

Merla, Lotor, Yurak, and Cossack: The Schitz?

Yoplait: Yes. The Schitz. *holds up his hand, showing his Schitz ring.*

Merla: But, Yoplait, what is this place? What is that you do here?

Yoplait: Merchandising.

Cossack: Merchandising? What's that?

Yoplait: Merchandising. Come. I'll show you. *yells to the Ewoks* Open up the store.

Ewoks: *opens a slab in the wall. Inside is a store full of merchandise*

Yoplait: Ha, ha, ha, come. Walk this way. Take a look. We put the show's name on everything. Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the show is made. Lionballs, the T-shirt; Lionballs, the Comic Book; Lionballs, the Car Force; Lionballs, the Masterpiece Voltron; Lionballs, the V3D collector set.

Ewoks: Ooooooo.

Yoplait: The kids love this one. Last, but not least, Lionballs, the Doll. *holds up a doll of himself* Me. *pulls the string*

Lionballs, the Doll: May the Schitz be with you.

Ewoks: *giggle*

Yoplait: *kisses the doll's head* Adorable.

Meanwhile, back at Lionball City, Brooke Burke and Jenna Jameson are in Coran's bed, the Lionballs: The Sheets bedcovers pulled up to their waists as they kiss and touch each other.. President Coran is as the foot of the bed, standing behind a video camera that is mounted on a tripod.

Jenna: *moans and squirms while Brooke kisses different parts of her body*

Coran: Yes, that's it girls. *looks through the camera* Jenna, lean your head back just a little bit more…

Commanderette Nanny appears on the wall.

Nanny: President Coran!

Brooke and Jenna: *dive under the sheet*

Coran: *turns to face the wall, trying to block the camera with his body* Yes, what is it?

Nanny: I have an urgent message from Mistress Allura. She's lost the prince!

Coran: Where?

Nanny: Somewhere in the Sands of Pollux.

Coran: Tell her to comb the desert. Do you hear me? Comb the desert!

Nanny: Yes, sir. *the wall turns off and Nanny disappears*

On the Moon of Pollux, six guards are moving large combs across the desert. Mistress Allura, dressed in her pink bikini, and Keith, still dressed in proper military dress, are watching from a nearby sand dune.

Keith: Ma’am?

Allura: *talks into her bullhorn as she turns towards Keith* What?

Keith: *jumps a little from the loud voice in his ears* Are we being too literal?

Allura: *talks into the bullhorn* No, you stupid man. We're following orders. We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it.

Allura: *puts down the bullhorn, fixes her lipstick then shouts to the troopers* Found anything yet?

Trooper with a comb: Nothing yet, Ma’am.

Allura: *shouts* How about you?

Trooper with a brush: Not a thing, sir.

Allura: *shouts* What about you guys?

Trooper with an eyelash brush: We ain't found shit!

Inside Yoplait’s temple, Yoplait and Merla converse.

Merla: *reaches down between her breasts and pulls the medallion out from under her shirt, showing it to Yoplait* It's a big mystery. None of the wise women can tell me what it means.

Yoplait: Wise women, pa sha. Wise gals, you mean. What do they know? Here, let me take a look. *he takes the medallion into his hand, leaning down to look at it closely, but his eyes stare beyond the medallion and lock onto Merla’s well-developed chest*

Merla: *notices where Yoplait’s eyes are* Aren’t you suppose to be reading the medallion?

Yoplait: *tries to act non-chalant* Oh yes…hmm…let’s see here. Muck, muuuunck, moich, ma-hach.

Merla: You can read it?

Yoplait: No, I was just clearing my throat. Here, let me take look at this. *moves the medallion back and forth a little bit* Ohh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, of course.

Merla: You understand it?

Yoplait: Yes.

Merla: What's it say?

Yoplait: I cannot tell you that now. It will be revealed to you when the Cubs win the pennant.

Merla: Great. *slips the medallion back inside her shirt*

Yoplait: C'mon, don't be disappointed. Back to your Schitz training. Here, take the ring. Point it at that big statue.

Merla: *puts the ring on* Okay, but I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.

Yoplait: Never underestimate the power of the Schitz.

Merla: * points the ring to statue, straining her body*

Yoplait: C'mon, concentrate. *starts making grunting noises* Ooghuh, ooghugh. ooghuh.

The statue starts lifting off the ground.

Yoplait: Merla, you're doing it. You're doing it. *laughs*

Merla: I can't believe it. The Schitz, it's working.

Cossack: *walks in, stopping beside the statue, not realizing his foot is under it*

Cossack: Hey, boss, how'd you do that?

Merla: *puts the ring down. The statue falls on Cossack's foot*

Cossack: *screams as the statue falls onto his foot* Whaoooooooooooooo! Whao, whao, whao, ahhhh, who, who, whooo. . . .*struggles to pull his foot out*

Yoplait: Gimme the ring. Gimmie the ring, quick.

Yoplait: * takes the ring from Merla, and points it at the statue* Poopsidasi, poopsimasi, poopsidaisy.

The statue lifts up, and Cossack lifts his foot out. It is now three times as big and flat as a pancake.

Cossack: Owwwwwww, ooooooooooohohoooooo, ooooooo....

Merla: Sorry, Cossack.

Cossack: *growls at Merla, giving her a angry look* Oooooooooooooohohooooooo, oooooooooooohohooooooo. *turning away he limps back to his room*

Outside Yoplait’s temple, Mistress Allura, Commander Keith and several female troops continue their search. Allura: *is standing next to the secret door. She can't see it because it is covered with sand*

Keith: *is directing the troops* Keep searching. *to Allura* It's no use , ma’am. We've searched everywhere.

Allura: *is painting her nails then suddenly stops* Wait! I feel the presence of the Schitz.

Keith: The Schitz?

Allura: Yes, and it's coming.... *gets a ring out of her purse and puts it on*

Keith: *covers his crouch*

Allura: ....from somewhere down....there. *points towards the trap door*

Keith: *bushes away the sand* You're right, ma’am. There's a secret entrance here. And look at this insignia, it's a Y.

Allura: Yoplait. Yoplait! I hate Yoplait! Even with strawberries. There’s just no taste to it.

Keith: I'll call for your attack squad, ma’am.

Allura: No, we can't go in there. Yoplait has the Schitz. It's far too powerful.

Keith: But, ma’am, don't you have the Schitz, too?

Allura: No, he got the good smelling, I got the bad smelling. You see, there's two smells to every Schitz.

Keith: Well, how are we gonna go in there and get him?

Allura: *sprays some perfume on* We will not go in there. He will come out to us. *holds up his ring*

Keith: *moves in really close to Allura, smelling her hair and almost touching her ear with his tongue*

It is night time in Yoplait’s temple. Lotor and the others are sound asleep.

Zarkon’s voice: Lotor. Lotor, my son. Where are you?

Lotor *is half awake* Daddy?

Zarkon’s voice: Lotor, it's your father, King Zarkon. Come to me.

Lotor: Daddy? Daddy, I hear you. I hear you. Where are you? *gets out of bed starts walking to the door*

Zarkon’s voice: Follow my voice, you big dummy.

Yurak: *wakes up and sees Prince Lotor leaving* Lotor, where are you going?

Outside the temple, Zarkon appears to be standing outside in the desert.

Zarkon: Lotor, come to me, my son.

Lotor: *opens the secret door to the temple and walks out toward Zarkon* Daddy, is it really you?

Zarkon: No, you big dummy, it’s Fred Sanford. Yes, it’s me. Would I lie?

Lotor: Daddy!

Yurak: *walks out and during the conversation between Lotor and Zarkon, turns away from them and begins to urinate on the sand in front of the secret entrance.* Mmmm…that’s better.

Lotor: *reaches Zarkon but stops as Zarkon fades away and is replaced by Mistress Allura* Ah! Ohhhhh. *faints and falls flat onto his back*

Allura: *runs her hands through her hair* Fooled you.

Female guards move to capture Yurak but stop as they realize that he is still urinating.

Yurak: Be with you in a sec. *continues urinating*

Allura: *notices the delay in capturing Yurak* Is there a problem?

Female Guard #1: Umm…ma’am. He’s….well, he’s urinating.

Yurak: I said hold on.

Five minutes pass as Yurak continues urinating.

Allura: What are you? A camel?

Yurak: *finally finishes and zips his pants back up* Anyone have a wet-nap?

Female Guard #2: Here you go. *pulls a wet-nap from her belt pouch* I always keep them on hand in case of emergencies.

Yurak: Thank you. *takes the wet-nap and cleans his hands* Ok. I’m ready to go.

The female guards incapacitate Yurak.

Allura: *gives orders to Keith* Take them both aboard, and put the prince in my quarters.

Keith: Yes ma’am. *picks Lotor off the ground and carries him away*

Allura: *cups her breasts and pushes them up* Now he is mine.

Merla and Cossack emerge from their room. The Ewoks are chirping trying to tell Merla what happened.

Merla: What are they saying?

Yoplait: They've taken the prince!

Merla and Cossack run outside.

Merla: *steps over the puddle that Yurak left in front of the door*

Cossack: *steps right into the middle of the puddle* Someone spilled their drink out here.

Yoplait: *taps Cossack on the shoulder* Take a sniff of the air, that’s not someone’s drink.

Cossack: *takes a sniff and realizes what it is* Oh sonofa…*is drowned out by the sound of huge engines*

Lionball 1 takes off toward space.

Merla: Lionballs, too late.

Cossack: *rubbing his foot in dry sand, ineffectually trying to remove the urine from his shoe* Don't worry, boss. We'll get him back.

A short while later, Merla and Cossack are getting ready to leave in the Pegasus 69.

Merla: Thanks for the batteries, Yoplait.

Yoplait: You're welcome, and here. *tosses a small cup of yogurt to Merla* Just encase you get hungry.

Merla: *catches it* A Dannon’s Danimals?

Yoplait: Yes. Remember, open it before you eat it.

Merla: What? No spoon?

Yoplait: What do I look like, a deli?

Merla: Thanks. Well, we'd better get going. I wonder, will we ever see each other again?

Yoplait: Who knows. WEP willing, we'll all meet again in Lionballs II: The Curse of V3D. Good-bye, Merla.

Merla: Good-bye, Yoplait.

Merla extends her hand and Yoplait kisses it. When Merla pulls her hand back, she discovers that Yoplait has slipped his ring to her.

Merla: The ring of the Schitz. No, I can't take this. *tries to give the ring back to Yoplait*

Yoplait: Take it. Take it. You might need it.

Merla: Thanks. I'll never forget you. Wish me luck.

Ewoks: *chirp and squeak, wishing Merla and Cossack luck*

Merla: *climbs into Pegasus 69. The engine starts up and takes off toward space*

Wicket the Ewok: Chirp chirp squeak chirp. *translation: They are so f**ked*

Yoplait: *speaks to Wicket* You ain’t kidding.

Allura is in her chambers, apparently talking to Prince Lotor.

Allura: *speaking in a very sultry, feminine voice* So, Prince Lotor. At last, I have you in my grasp. To have my way with you. The way I want to.

Allura is playing with action figures of Lotor, Yurak, Merla, Cossack and herself.

Allura: *imitating Lotor* No. No, please, leave me alone. *imitating herself* No, you are mine. *imitating Merla* Not so fast, Allura. *imitating herself* Merla! *imitating Merla* Yes, it's me. I'm here to save my boyfriend. Hi, handsome. *imitating herself* Now you are going to die. *pushes Merla’s action figure down with hers, imitating battle sounds then imitating Merla* Oh, oh, ohhhh. *Merla’s action figure dies and then Allura imitates Cossack* Hey, what did you do to my friend? *imitating herself* The same thing I'm going to do to you, second banana. *imitates battle sounds, Cossack’s figure dies. Once again, Allura imitates herself* And you too. *Allura’s action figure kills Yurak then she goes back to imitating herself* Now, Prince Lotor, at last we are alone. *imitating Lotor* No, no, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Leave me alone....yet, I find you strangely attractive. *imitating herself* Of course you do. Droolish princes are often attracted to tiny butts and big breasts, and I have both, and you know it. *imitating Lotor* No, leave me alone. *imitating herself* No, kiss me. (imitating Lotor) No, yes, no, yes, yes, no, no, ah, oh, oh, oh, ah, ohh, oh Allura….*imitates Lotor falling asleep*

Keith: *bursts through the door behind Allura* Mistress Allura!

Allura: *scrambles to get the figures out of sight by shoving them down between her breasts* What?!

Keith: You're needed on the bridge, ma’am!

Allura: Knock on my door. Knock next time!

Keith: Yes, ma’am!

Allura: Did you see anything?

Keith: No, ma’am. I didn't see you playing with your action figures again.

Allura: Good.

Keith: *leaves the room, closing the door behind him*

Back in Lionball City on Planet Lionball, President Coran is in his bathroom and showing signs of a hangover. The shower is running.

Coran: *is peeing into the hamper. Half way through he looks over and sees the urinal and realizes where he is peeing*

The wall in front of the urinal turns on, showing Commanderette Nanny.

Nanny: President Coran. President Coran? Where are you?

Coran: *cover his crotch with his hand and moves in front of the wall.* Please, not so loud. I have a headache.

Nanny: Sorry, sir, but it's very urgent. Prince Lotor has just been brought to your office, and Mistress Allura and Commander Keith are awaiting you there.

Coran: All right, all right. Tell them I'll be right there.

Nanny: Yes, sir. *salutes*

Coran: *starts to return the salute but begins urinating again. Quickly he grabs himself to stop*

Nanny: *smirks and disappears off the wall*

Coran: *finishes urinating in the toilet, then washes his hands*

Jenna: *pokes her head out from behind the shower curtain* Honey, who are you talking to?

Brooke: *pokes her head out from behind the other end of the shower curtain* Yeah, who?

Coran: Just Nanny. I have to go to work now girls. You two have fun.

Jenna and Brooke: We will! *with a grin and a giggle the two disappear behind the curtain*

Coran: *leaves the bathroom*

Inside President Coran’s office, Mistress Allura and Commander Keith address King Zarkon, who’s image is on the wall screen. Behind them Prince Lotor is strapped down onto a table, which is turned vertically. Also behind them is Dr. Gorma, Jessica Alba, and Terry Bradshaw, who is dressed in a caddy’s outfit and holding a set of golf clubs.

Zarkon: Allura, you slut, what's going on? What are you doing to my son?

Allura: *wearing her black dominatrix outfit again* Permit me to introduce the brilliant, young plastic surgeon, Dr. Philip Gorma. The greatest penis-job man in the entire universe and Beverly-Hills.

Dr. Gorma: Your highness. Please feel free to just call me, Dr. Phil.

Zarkon: Penis-job? I don't understand. He's already had a penis job. It was for his bar mitzvah.

Allura: No, it's not what you think. It's much, much, worse. If you do not give me the combination to the air shield, Dr. Gorma will give your son back *holds up a hospital picture of a very deformed and warty penis* his old penis.

Lotor: Nooooooooooooooooooo. Where did you get that?

Zarkon: All right, I'll tell. I'll tell.

Lotor: No, daddy, no. You mustn't.

Zarkon: You're right my son. I know the maids will miss your new penis. But I will not tell them the combination no matter what.

Allura: Very well. Dr. Gorma, do your worst.

Dr. Gorma: My pleasure.

The table turns horizontal and Lotor faints.

Zarkon: No, wait, wait. I'll tell. I'll tell.

Allura: I knew it would work.

Allura and Keith step closer to the screen. Keith gets out a notebook and pen to write the combination down.

Allura: All right, give to me.

Zarkon: The combination is *hesitates* six.

Allura: Six.

Keith: Six. *writes*

Zarkon: Seven.

Allura: Seven.

Keith: Seven. *writes*

Zarkon: Eight.

Allura: Eight.

Keith: Eight *writes*

Zarkon: Nine.

Allura: Nine.

Keith: Nine. *writes*

Zarkon: *hesitates* Ten.

Allura: Ten.

Keith: Ten. *writes*

Allura: So the combination is six, seven, eight, nine, ten? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life. That's the kinda thing a Doomite would have on his luggage.

Keith: Thank you, your highness.

Keith: *takes a remote out of his pocket, points it at the wall, and hits a button. Instead of turning off the wall, he turned off the whole movie. Jessica Alba is making strange and sensual noises in the background*

Allura: What'd you do?

Keith: I turned off the wall.

Allura: No you didn't. You turned off the whole movie.

Keith: Well I must have pressed the wrong button.

Allura: Well, turn it back on. Put the movie back on.

Keith: Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. The screen comes back on. Allura and Keith are standing in front of the now blank screen.

Allura: We gotta get that thing fixed. We're back, and we have the combination. Gorma!

Dr. Gorma: *is standing behind Jessica Alba, who is bent over holding a golf club* What? *as he scrambles away from Jessica Alba*

Jessica Alba: *drops the golf club and straightens out her clothes*

Allura: We're done with you. Go back to the golf course and work on your puts.

Dr. Gorma: Let's go Terry. Come Jessica. Of course, you know, I'll still have to bill you for this.

Dr. Gorma, Terry Bradshaw *who picks up the fallen golf club*, and Jessica Alba walk out the door. Jessica looks at Allura and Keith as she walks out.

Allura: *says to Keith* I bet she knows how to use a wedge.

Coran: *walks in* Well, did it work? Where's the king?

Allura: It worked, sir. We have the combination.

Coran: Great. Now we can take every last breath fresh air from planet Doom. What's the combination?

Keith: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Coran: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten? That's amazing. I've got the same combination on my luggage. Prepare Lionball 1 for immediate departure.

Keith: Yes, sir.

Coran: And change the combination on my luggage.

Coran, Keith, and Allura start walking out the door.

Allura: *walks through the door, her high heel breaking as she passes through*

Allura: Damn it!

Merla and Cossack are at the controls of the Pegasus 69 as they head towards Lionball City and execute their rescue of Prince Lotor and Yurak.

Cossack: There it is, Lionball City straight ahead.

Merla: Good. I'm takin' her in.

The Pegasus 69 lands on the road in front of a prison building. Two guards are standing at the door.

Sven: What the hell is that thing?

Hunk: It looks like a Winnebago with wings.

Sven: Gees. Hey you can't park here!

Hunk: Yeah, this is a fire lane. Absolutely no parking!

Cossack: *opens the door and flicks them off while making kissing noises, then ducks back inside*

Sven: That son of a.... *looks to Hunk* Lock and Load

Sven and Hunk cock their rifles and approach the door that Cossack was just standing in.

Sven: All right, hands up. You're under arrest for illegal parking.

Hunk: Yeah!

They walk into the space craft. The Pegasus 69 starts rocking back and forth. Sven and Hunk can be heard shouting obscenities. Merla: *comes out in Sven’s uniform. The uniform is so tight that her breasts pull the uniform’s top up, exposing her mid drift*

Cossack: *comes out in Hunk’s uniform. The uniform is so big and baggy on Cossack that he has to roll the pants legs up*

Merla: *walks over to the door and unlocks it with the key on the uniform. As she walks through the door she has to pull the very tight pants out of her butt crack*

Cossack: *follows Merla through the door. As the door closes, his baggy sleeve gets caught* Oh crap! *starts pulling on the sleeve trying to get it unstuck*

Merla: *slaps her forehead and shakes her head* Idiot. *helps Cossack free his sleeve and the two continue on their mission*

Inside the prison, Merla and Cossack carefully strode through the halls looking for the royalty cells. As they turn down another corridor, they are passed by a man dressed in a Voltron costume carrying a female midget dressed in bondage gear.

Midget: Pardon us.

Merla and Cossack stop and watch as the two disappear around the corner.

Cossack: What was that?

Merla: I don’t wanna know. Come on, let’s keep looking for the Prince.

The two continue their search. They turn down another corridor where they notice a sign above them that reads: ROYAL PRISONERS ONLY! MINIMUM SECURITY!

Merla: He's gotta be in one of these cells.

Cossack: Yeah, but which one?

Merla: *walks over to the first door and opens the eye slot* Prince Lotor?

Prince: *an African America dressed in purple and ruffles answers back* No, I’m the artist formerly known as Prince.

Merla: Oh….sorry. *closes the eye slot* He’s not in there. Check that one. *points to the door behind them*

Cossack: *goes over to the door and opens the eye slot* Prince Lotor?

Michael Jackson: *stops whatever activity he was doing and pretends he wasn’t doing anything* No...there is no Lotor in here with me. But he sounds cute *winks*

Cossack: Uh…ok, thanks.

Michael Jackson: *turns away from the door and mumbles “here, drink this…it’ll make you feel good”*

Cossack: *does a double take before closing the eye slot*

Merla: Well?

Cossack: No.

Merla: Come on let’s keep…

Lotor: *from behind one of the doors comes a real high pitch voice) Nobody knows....

Merla: It's coming from there *points to the third door*

Cossack: That can't be him.

Merla and Cossack walk towards the cell that Lotor’s singing is coming from.

Lotor: *sings in a high pitch voice* ....the trouble I've seen.

Merla opens the eye slot and finds Lotor inside. Yurak is sleeping next to him, sucking his thumb.

Lotor: *sings in a high pitch voice* Nobody knows but the fandom.

Merla: It's him.

Cossack looks in.

Lotor: *sings in high pitch voice* Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

Cossack: He's a soprano *shrugs*

Lotor: *sings in high pitch voice* Glory hallelujah.

Merla reaches down and easily opens the door by turning the handle. She and Cossack walk in. The door closes and catches Cossack’s sleeves again.

Cossack: Damn!

Lotor: What do you want?

Yurak wakes up and tries to hide his embarrassment of sucking his thumb.

Merla: *removes the helmet she stole from Sven* It's me.

Cossack: *removes Hunk’s helmet and finally unhooking himself from the door* It's us.

Lotor: Merla! How'd you find us?

Merla: No time to talk. C'mon!

Cossack: We gotta move.

Yurak: Its about time!

The four sneak out of the cell with Merla in the lead, Lotor behind her, then Cossack and finally Yurak.

Merla, Lotor, Cossack, and Yurak run for the front door. Suddenly, Merla stops and the others crash into each other.

Sven: Freeze!

Sven and Hunk are standing in the hall wearing only their guns and underwear.

Sven: Those are the guys that stole our uniforms. *locks and loads his gun*

Hunk: And beat the shit out of us, too. *locks and loads his gun*

Merla: *locks and loads her gun then fires at Hunk and Sven. She misses but the two run off like scared kittens. Suddenly, laser blasts start coming from another corridor*

Merla: Ah-oh, we got company!

Merla and the others take refuge behind a wall as another volley of laser blasts come at them. Merla and Cossack return fire, neither side gaining any ground. The Lionball troops take up positions and cut off their escape route.

Cossack: Dammit. That's our only way out.

Lotor: We're trapped!

Yurak: Oh, I hate these spoofs.

Merla and Cossack keep firing at the troopers.

Cossack: *throws down his gun* I'm outta ammo.

Merla: Get back. I'll hold 'em off.

Merla and the troopers continue keep firing at each other.

Cossack: I got an idea.

Merla: What are you doing?

Cossack: Trust me!

Yurak: What's he doing?

The troopers stop firing long enough to line up in the middle of the corridor. Each reloads their gun and prepares to shoot the four escapees. Suddenly, a strange soundtrack comes over the speakers and Cossack, Merla, Yurak and Lotor come out from around the corner dressed in Robin Hood tights and dancing.

Merla, Cossack, Yurak and Lotor: We’re men, men in tights. We roam around the galaxy looking for fights. We’re men, mainly men, men in tights. We rob from the right and give to the poor, that’s right! We may look like pansies, but don’t get us wrong or else we’ll put out your lights…

The troopers, caught off guard and without ear plugs , can’t take the bad dancing and singing and thus shoot themselves.

Merla: Good work. *as everyone changes back into their normal clothes*

Suddenly, more laser blasts come out of another hall.

Merla: Ah-oh, another fang gang. Run for it!

Cossack: Let's go!

The four of them start running for the door. Cossack is in the lead, with Yurak, Lotor, and Merla following.

Lotor: *points to the door* It's closing!

The door in front of them starts closing vertically.

Merla: Go for it!

Merla, Cossack, Yurak, and Lotor jump through the door just before it closes.

Lion troopers come in through another door as Merla, Cossack, Lotor, and Yurak start to get up.

Female Trooper: Don't move, or you're dead! Stand up! Captain, we've got them!

Captain Kirk walks in behind them.

Kirk: *uses exaggerated hand gestures* Spectacular…. stunt, ….my friends, …..but…all ….for not. Turn around…. please.

Merla, Cossack, Lotor, and Yurak turn around, only instead it is their stunt doubles.

Kirk: Ha… What a ….pity….. What… a pity. ..So, Prince,…you thought… you… could outwit… the imperious…. forces of....

Kirk: looks at Lotor’s stunt double with his mouth open. Lotor’s stunt double is Fabio, who is standing with three of the Marx Brothers.

Kirk: You… idiots!... These are… not…. them. ….You've …captured…. Their…. stunt doubles!... Search the area……… Find ….them! ……..Find ……them!

The real Cossack, Merla, Lotor, and Yurak come out of the prison building. Merla is firing at troopers that followed them out the door. A laser blast hits the lock on a door of the Pegasus 69. Cossack runs over to the that door and tries to open it.

Lotor: Open the door, for Pete’s sake.

Cossack: I can't open it. It's fused!

Lotor: Well, what about this one? *pulls on another door*

Cossack: It's locked.

Lotor: Well, where are the keys?

Cossack: Inside.

Lotor: Oh, great!

Merla: Duck!

Cossack, Yurak, and Lotor lean against the Pegasus 69 as laser blasts wiz by.

Merla: *runs back towards the door that's fused. She hands her gun to Lotor* Here, you hold them off, I’ll get the door.

Lotor: *holds the gun away from him daintily* I ain't shootin' this thing. I hate guns.

A trooper fires and hits Lotor’s carefully manicured nail.

Yurak: whoa!

Lotor: My nail. She shot my nail. That dirty slut! *cocks gun into super fire mode*

Lotor walks towards the troopers and starts firing. In a matter of a few seconds, Lotor mows down all the pursuing troopers.* Cossack and Merla look up*

Cossack: Holy shit!

Lotor: *blows the smoke rising up from the gun’s barrel* How was that?

Merla: Not bad.

Cossack: Not bad for a Prince

Yurak: Hey, that was pretty good for the Terminator!

Lotor: Let's blow this joint.

Inside Lionball 1, Coran is running down the ship towards Allura and Keith, who are on the bridge.

A voice comes over the loud speaker: President Coran. Salute!

All bridge crew: Hail Coran. *everyone salutes by crossing their hands above their crotch and thrusting forward. Coran simply gives everyone the finger*

Coran: *stops running when he gets to Keith and Allura* This ship is too big. If I walk, the cartoon will be over.

Keith: Sir?

Coran: Yes? Aghh! *looks at Keith whose wearing a black leather face mask with a zipper across the front. Only his eyes are visible.*

Cora: *looks at Allura, then back at Keith then back to Allura again* Never have him wear that damn thing when I’m around. It gives me the creeps.

Allura: *nods her head to Keith who takes the mask off*

Keith: There it is, Planet Doom

Coran: Ah, Planet Doom, and ten thousand years of fresh air.

Allura: *picks some dirt out of her nail* the way he runs things, it won’t last the next hundred episodes.

Coran: What?

Allura: shrugs.

Keith: We're read to begin formation sequence, sir.

Coran: Good. Get on with it.

Allura: Ready, Mike Young?

Merla, Cossack, Lotor, and Yurak are gathered in the cockpit of the Pegasus 69, Merla is behind the wheel as they approach Planet Doom.

Merla: Look! It's Spaceball 1. They've reached the air shield.

Yurak: And it's opening.

Cossack: How they gonna get the air out? I don't see any hoses or anything.

Lionball 1 begins to move. A strange light begins to glow from it as the ship begins to transform and change shape.

Lotor: What's happening? The ship…it's changing.

Lionball 1 continues changing. Limbs become more distinct

Keith: Ok everyone…let’s do this. Form feet at legs. Form arms and body…

Lionball 1’s rockets sprout out and form the feet, the left changing to a yellow color and the right turning a blue color. Arms form along the sides of the ship, the left turning a green color and the right turning a red color. The center mass of the ship changes into a black color.

Cossack: Oh my gosh! It's not just a spaceship. It's a megazord!

Merla: That’s not a megazord you dork! That’s only a myth from a stupid planet 5 galaxies over!

Cossack: Oh.

Keith: And I’ll…

Allura: *clears her throat*

Keith: I mean, we’ll form the head.

A section of Lionball 1’s chest opens, allowing for a robotic head to slide up into place atop the body.

Yurak: It's changing into....

Cossack: ....a gigantic....

Lotor: …Stealth Voltron…

Keith: Transformation is completed, sir. Lionball 1 has now become.... *looks at a pianist who’s setup shop on the bridge*

The pianist plays a few opening notes from Voltron’s theme song

Keith: Stealth Voltron.

Allura: Excellent.

Coran: Remarkable. *looks around at the new bridge, which now looks like the bridge from a super star destroyer*

Allura: Now, commence operation vac-u-suc

Keith: Yes ma’am. Form Blazing Vacuum!

Stealth Voltron’s hands come together, and then as they split apart, a bright light is formed that shapes itself into a vacuum cleaner.

Merla: Look, it’s a vacuum cleaner.

Cossack: So that's how they're gonna get the air out.

Stealth Voltron’s left arm moves and flips a switch on the vacuum. The vacuum starts up. The vacuum sucks up snow off of a mountain on Planet Doom as trees are pulled out of the ground and head into the sky.

Coran, Allura, and Keith: *chanting* Suck. Suck. Suck.

On Planet Doom, Zarkon is looking at a picture of Lotor.

Zarkon: *is having trouble breathing* Goodbye, little Lotor. *look up and sees a cow fly past his window before fainting*

Inside the Pegasus 69, our heroes look on in horror.

Cossack: Look, a cow! *points at a cow coming into view from behind the clouds. The cow swirls around and disappears into the clouds again*

Lotor: That was weird.

Yurak: Look, another cow! *points at another cow flying through the clouds towards the vacuum*

Merla: No, I think it’s the same one.

Lotor: The air bag, it's almost full.

Merla: We've gotta act fast. Step 1, we reverse the vacuum and blow the air back on the planet; step 2, we destroy that thing.

Lotor: But isn't that dangerous?

Merla: Extremely, plus, I don't know how the hell we're gonna do it. Any of you have an idea? *looks back at her friends*

They all shake they’re heads.

Cossack: What about that ring Yoplait gave you?

Merla: Oh yeah. *pulls the Schitz ring out of her pocket* But....

Cossack: C'mon, boss, give it a shot.

Merla: Okay. Here goes nothing. *points the ring at the vacuum*

Everyone held their breath and stared out at the giant Stealth Voltron. The switch on the vacuum starts to glow and move towards the reverse part of the vacuum.

Lotor: Look at that. Wow!

Cossack: It....it's working.

Lotor: C'mon Schitz.

Lotor, Cossack and Yurak: *chanting* C'mon Schitz. C'mon Schitz. C'mon Schitz.

The switch flips over to the reverse part. The vacuum starts blowing air back on the planet. Trees fly back to their places in the ground, the snow falls back onto the mountain tops. Cows are returned to their pastures and the cats land on their feet.

Coran: Allura, what's going on?

Allura: Keith, what's going on?

Keith: It's Stealth Voltron. He’s gone from suck to blow.

Allura and Coran react by jumping away from the railing.

Coran: What? They're getting all their air back. *to Allura* Do something.

Allura: *to Keith* Do something.

Keith: *in microphone* Do something.

Inside Castle Doom, the air starts to come in and Zarkon wakes up.

Zarkon: I'm breathing. Air. Air! *he smiles as looks out the window, just in time to see a cow drop from the sky and land on the grass*

The Pegasus 69 flies around the giant Stealth Voltron and enters through an opening in its rear.

Merla: Dim the lights.

Cossack: Dimming the lights.

The lights go out.

Merla: Go to inferred.

Cossack: Going to inferred.

Merla: Pray for good ratings

Cossack: Praying for ratings.

Merla: *looks over at Cossack:

Cossack: *just shrugs*

The inferred light comes on. The television monitor shows a layout of the anal canal. It shows the Pegasus 69 maneuvering through the canal.

Yurak: Careful. Careful.

Merla: *reaches up and turns on the scanning switch.*

Cossack: What are you doing?

Merla: Scanning. There's gotta be a self-destruct mechanism somewhere in the central butt area.

The scanner looks around the ship. It suddenly stops and a beeping sound is heard in the cockpit.

Merla: I think we just found it.

Lotor: Where?

Merla: Watch *hits a switch and the television monitor shows a red flashing button* Bingo. There it is. It's right below us. Put her in hover, Cossack.

Cossack: Putting her hover.

Merla: I'm going down there. *gets up and walks toward the door*

Cossack: She's going down there. I wouldn't.

A ladder descended from between the Pegasus 69’s rear legs and a trap door opened in the floor of the ship just above the ladder. Merla climbed down the ladder and went over to the emergency exit door. She opened the door and walked in. As the door closed a silent alarm above the door began flashing.

A guard is standing next to a door with a sign that reads “This way to self-destruct mechanism”.

Merla: *hides behind the corner, trying to think of a way to get passed the guard. As she carefully watches him from around the corner, she gets an idea*

Guard: *yawns*

Merla: Hey there, big boy. *steps out from behind the corner, leaning seductively against the wall*

Guard: Who are you? *eyes Merla suspiciously*

Merla: “in an erotic, Marilyn Monroe voice* I’m a present for you from the boys up stairs. *runs her hand through her hair*

Guard: *watches her, unimpressed* What the hell are you doing?

Merla: I’m trying to seduce you.

Guard: I’ve seen better attempts from my mother.

Merla: Oh…*stands up* Ok.. how about this? *pulls her top up, the room suddenly fills with a bright light and angels can be heard singing Hallelujah.

Guard: Yeah! *stands there, mesmerized by her*

Merla: Ok, now open the door for me.

Guard: *mindlessly complies*

The door opens.

Merla: Thanks *puts her top back on, walks over and punches the guard’s lights out*

Guard: *falls against the wall unconscious*

Merla: *goes through the door*

Entering the self-destruct room, Merla notices vertical, green bars guarding the self- destruct button. A sign above the button reads “Don’t push unless you’re having a really shitty day”. A voice draws her attention.

Self-Destruct Guard: *is shaving* Is that you Charlie? Did you pick up the pizza’s?.

Merla: *points the Schitz ring at a bottle of Lionballs: The After Shave. It starts to move towards her*

Self-Destruct Guard:* turns around to face Merla who catches the bottle* Who are you? *grips his gun* What are you doing with that?

Merla: This! *takes the top off the bottle and splashes it onto the guard’s face*

Self-Destruct Guard: *cries out in agony, clutching his face* Oh no! I’m melting, melting! *the guard falls to his knees, shaving cream and after shave dripping from his face* What a world! What a world! *the guard falls face down onto the floor, unconscious*

Merla: Sweat dreams.

Merla takes a punch card off the guard’s belt. She inserts it into a panel and moves a switch to pull up the green bars. The green bars disappear. Merla walks up to the button and prepares to push it.

Allura: *struts in, her black, thigh high boots clicking against the metal flooring* Not so fast, Merla.

Merla: Allura! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time.

Allura: Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Merla.

Merla: What? *puts her hands on her hips*

Allura: I am your mother’s sister's niece’s former lover.

Merla: *with a really puzzled look on her face* So what does that make us?

Allura: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become. Prepare to die, Wench!

Allura: *puts on her Schitz ring on. She places her hands in front of her crotch. A red light beam extends from the ring, forming a sword*

Merla: *mimics Allura’s movements, a blue light beam extending from her ring*

Allura: You have the ring, and I see your Schitz is as big as mine.

The two look at their beams.

Allura: Now let's see how well you handle it.

Allura and Merla charge at each other, swiping at each other with their beams. Merla dodges and parries Allura’s blade, stepping back as she does. Allura presses her attack, chasing Merla around the room.

Allura: *swings a little too hard and slices the sound manager in half with her blade*

Allura and Merla stop fighting and look at the dead man on the floor.

Allura: Ummm, she did it. *points at Merla*

Merla: What? *swipes at Allura*

Allura: *blocks Merla’s attack and presses forward with one of her own*

The two fight fiercely around the room until their beams become twisted together.

Allura: Damn!. I hate it when I get my Schitz stuck.

Merla and Allura look at each other and evaluate their situation.

Allura: Okay, maybe if my put leg up on yours we can split apart. *puts her foot up on Merla’s leg* Good, yeah. On three; one, two, three, go.

Allura and Merla pull away from each other. Their beams disappearing as each backs into a corner of the room.

Allura: I think its time to up the ante a bit.

Merla: Agreed.

Suddenly, the lights dim down and red and blue strobe lights fill the room. The floor panels in the middle of the room slide away and a mud pit rises from beneath the floor. The two women strip down to their bras and panties as the announcer comes over the loud speaker.

Announcer: Laaaaaaaaaadies and Gentlemeeeeeeeeeen! Welcome to tonight’s main event. In the red corner, the mistress of the universe herself, Mistress Allura! In the blue corner, everyone’s favorite blue skinned heroine, Merla! Tonight’s event is brought to you by Media Blaster’s 2,000th Anniversary Commemorative DVD of Voltron. This digitally re-mastered set of the previously re-mastered 1,984th Anniversary Commemorative DVD collection features never before seen footage of the original cast members taking coffee breaks, using the bathroom, picking their noses, dying Peter Keefe’s mustache to match his hair color and shaving off Mr. Koplar’s hair. So be sure to pick up your Limited Edition 2,000th Anniversary Commemorative DVD this Thursday. And now, the main event of this evening!

Judge Mills Lane walks to the edge of the mud pit.

Mills Lane: Ok, now I want a good ole’ fashioned, cat fight. The viewers are paying a lot of money for this show. Are you ready? Now, let’s get it on!

Merla and Allura face off on opposite sides of the mud pit. They stare each other down for several long moments before charging into the mud.

Michael Bell: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Michael Bell here. And announcing with me tonight is my dear friend Incredible Hulk Hogan. How are you this evening, Hogan?

Hogan: *is wearing his trademark yellow Hulkamania shirt* I’m very excited about tonight’s fight. These two women hate each other and let me tell you brother, there’s nothing more exciting than two women wrestling in mud.

Bell: So true, Hogan. Speaking of which, it looks like Allura and the upper hand…right on Merla’s chest. Merla seems to be squirming, trying to get out Allura’s grip. Oh…and Merla get’s a face full of mud.

Hogan: Allura is holding Merla face down in the mud. Oh, Allura is straddling Merla’s back…what is she? Oh no, she’s going for the Crab Cracker!

Bell: Allura has wrapped each hand around Merla’s ankles and is now pulling her legs back towards her backside. Merla is crying out in pain…

Hogan: What’s this…Merla has jerked her legs back down, pulling Allura backwards into the mud. Merla is up now, she’s got Allura by the hair and

Bell: Merla knees Allura right in the gut…oh and now a punch to the face…Allura is falling backwards into the mud

Hogan: Look at this…Merla’s on top of Allura, knees have pinned Allura’s arms and Merla is holding Allura’s legs…Allura isn’t moving, this could be the match

Bell: Mills Lane is moving into position to start the count.

Mills Lane: One…….Two……Three…..*the bell rings* That’s it!

Bell: Ladies and gentlemen, Merla has just beaten Mistress Allura. What a fight.

Hogan: That was incredible, I’m just so pumped right now and you know what happens when I get pumped. *yells loudly as his skin starts turning green. He rips his shirt off as he transforms into a raging green hulk*

Bell: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Michael Bell and the Incredible Hulk Hogan wishing you all a good night and happy fighting…..*turns to Hogan* No...wait…don’t eat the microphone!

Merla and Allura get cleaned up and put their clothes back on.

Allura: So, Merla, Yoplait has taught you well. If there is one thing I despise, it is a fair fight. But if I must than I must. May the best woman win. *extends her hand*

Merla: *goes to shake Allura’s hand. Allura takes the ring off Merla’s hand.*

Allura: I’ve got the ring.. I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book. What an idiot. What's with you girl? You know what? Here let me give it back to you. *offers the ring back*

Merla: *goes up to get the ring back*

Allura: *throws the ring into the mud pit as it disappears below the floor panels*

Merla: *tries to catch it and fails*

Allura: Oh, look. You fell for that, too. I can't believe it girl.

Merla: *runs to a corner*

Allura: So, Merla, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

Yoplait’s Voice: Use the Schitz, Merla. Use the Schitz.

Merla: I can't. I lost the ring.

Yoplait’s Voice: Forget the ring. The ring is bupkis. I found it in a gumball machine. The Schitz is in you, Merla. It's in you.

Merla: All right. I'll try.

Allura: Say goodbye to your two best friends. I hope you saved enough money for implants.

Merla: *takes a deep breath and turns around, bending over to point her butt at Allura. Just as Allura aims her ring at Merla, a powerful fart erupts from Merla’s bowels. The room fills with a nauseous aroma. The smell and the force of the fart blast forces Allura to back away. She backs right up into the self-destruct button.

Ship’s Voice: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.

Merla: *runs out of the room*

On the bridge, an annoying alarm starts going off and red lights begin to flash.

Coran: What's going on? Where the hell are we, Paris?

Ship’s Voice: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds.

Coran: You've got to stop it. Is there any to stop it?

Keith: I can't. It's irreversible.

Coran: Like my trench coat.

Keith: *picks up the microphone and announces over the loud speaker* Attention. This is Commander Keith in forward command. Abandon ship. Abandon ship. All personnel, proceed to escape pods. Close down the circus. Evacuate the zoo. Shut down the movie theatre. The self-destruct mechanism has been activated.

Everyone on the ship begins to panic. Crew members run around frantically trying to find an escape pod to enter.

Coran: Keith, Keith, you've got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm the president.

Ship’s voice: This is your two minute warning. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes.

Keith: Launch all escape pods as soon as they are filled.

Inside the Pegasus 69, Lotor and the others start to panic because Merla hasn’t returned yet.

Lotor: What's happening? Where is she?

Merla: *walks in and jumps into her seat*Here. We've got a minute and forty before the end of the world. Hang on. *starts up the engines* Full throttle!

Cossack: Full throttle.

Merla: Go to hyper jets!

Cossack: Going to hyper jets.

The Pegasus 69 takes off, everyone inside is pushed back with the sudden burst of speed.

Keith climbs the ladder and looks in the first escape pod. Seeing it full he moves on to the next one.

Coran: *is following Keith. He looks in the first pod.* Hey, get outta there. Where do you think you're going?

Dominoes Delivery Guy: Delivery in 30 minutes or less. *laughs as he pulls a lever. The door closes and the pod shoots away*


Mr. Keefe: I'm the ‘Stache Guy. What are you? One of the freaks? *shoves Allura out of the way and gets in the escape pod*

Allura: *looks out the window of the door as the pod shoots away* Come back you handle bar, mustached, asshole!

Allura, Coran, and Keith look around and see that all but one pod has launched. Neither of the three noticed the claw beast that had entered the escape pod.

Coran: One pod left, and three of us, and I'm the president. Well, my friends, it's a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it. Good-bye. *waves as he enters the pod*

Coran: *gets in the pod, not realizing he is sitting on the claw beast. He tries to buckle the arms of the claw beast like there are a seat belt.* What the hell is the matter with this seat belt? He looks at the claw beast and screams. Frantically, he pushes himself off the claw beast and out of the pod. The claw beast closes the door and waves as the pod takes off.*

Ship’s Voice: This ship will self destruct in twenty seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.

Coran: Cancellation button? Hurry.

The three of them each slide down a ladder and scramble to the command console.

Allura: Where is it? Where is it?

Keith: It's gotta be here. *Opens a panel to the self-destruct cancellation button. It has a sign on that says “This feature has been cancelled on this model. Please see owner’s manual for more information”*

Allura: Shit! Even in the future nothing works.

Ship’s Voice: This ship will self-destruct in exactly ten seconds.

Coran, Keith, and Allura grab onto one another.

Ship’s Voice: Counting down. Ten, nine, eight, six....

Coran: Six? What happened to seven?

Ship’s Voice: Just kidding.

The three growl at the voice.

As the voice counts down, Merla is gripping the controls of the Pegasus 69, the end of the tunnel can be seen.

Lotor: There's the other end. Faster.

Ship’s Voice: Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Have a blessed day.

Coran, Keith, and Allura: Thank you.

The Pegasus 69 shoots out of the giant Stealth Voltron’s rear just as the robot explodes

Lotor: We did it! *hugs Cossack*

Yurak: *is dancing*

Merla: *is cheering*

Lotor: *turns to hug Merla. They start to kiss, but they stop*

As the Pegasus 69 enters Planet Doom’s atmosphere, Merla and Cossack watch the news.

News Anchor: ....so I guess you might call that a case of man bites robeast. *laughs* On a sadder note, Amalgamus the Hutt, was found dead earlier today and the 19th Annual Galactic Sci-Fi Convention. The annoying cyborg was manning the Galaxy Events Productions booth when a large group of V3D haters appeared and started throwing things at him. The rioters began tearing the robot apart until only a pile of worthless parts was left. When asked to comment, a spokesman for GEP said “Will anyone really miss him?” Coming up, Prince Bokar’s review of Star Wars…..Episode 25.

Cossack: *laughs and turns off the television* Did you here that? Amalgamus kicked the bucket. Now we don't have to pay him the million. We can keep it for ourselves.

Merla: Yeah. *sounding a bit depressed*

The Pegasus 69 flies in and circles around Castle Doom and lands on the landing pad. Everyone exits and heads into the castle.

Inside the throne room, the doorman opens the door to let Lotor, Merla, Cossack, and Yurak in. Lotor runs to Zarkon.

Lotor: Daddy! *runs to hug Zarkon* Oh, daddy.

Zarkon: Lotor, my son. I thought I'd never see you again. Oh, my handsome son. I'm so happy that you’re home and safe. And Lotor, here's someone else who's happy to see you. *points to Romelle asleep in a chair. Prince Bandor hits Romelle on her shoulder and Romelle wakes up*

Romelle: Oh, hello. *yawns* Where've you been?

After a short visit, Merla and Cossack fly away from Planet Doom in the Pegasus 69. A short while later, Merla and Cossack land on a space gas station to fill up and get something to eat.

Merla and Cossack walk into the little space diner and take a seat at the bar.

Waitress: *to Cossack* Hi, big stuff. *to Merla* Hi, dream. *to both* What'll you have?

Merla: We've just got a few minutes while were gassing up. What's ready?

Waitress: I can give the Lion Soup or the Lion Special.

Merla: Ummm, I'll have the soup.

Waitress: Okay. *writes the order*

Cossack: *stares at the waitress cleavage* I'll have the breasts, err, the special.

Waitress: Okay, I have one special and one soup.

Some people are sitting at the other end of the bar. One of them is telling a story while another is eating.

Story Teller: We were lost. None of us knew where we were. And then Harry began looking at the ground . And then he says, “I got it: we’re on the Moon”. And I said, “Harry how can you tell?”; He said, “From the big crack, you dummy”. *everyone starts laughing*

Man Eating: *starts to act like he's choking on his food. Then he grabs his stomach like he has indigestion*

Woman at the Bar: Is he all right?

Man Eating: *spits out some of his food then bends over the bar.*

Woman at the Bar: Bring some water!

Story Teller: Water my ass. Bring this guy some Imodium AD!

COSSACK: Waitress! Waitress, what did order?

Waitress: *comes over to Cossack and looks over at the guy bent over the bar* Oh, he had the Special.

Cossack: The spec....That's what I ordered. Change my order to the soup.

Merla: Good move.

Man Eating: *is crying out in pain as something starts to push its way out of the rear of his pants.*

Story Teller: Look out! He’s gonna blow!

Man Eating: *cries out in pain* Fire in the Hole! *suddenly the seat of his pants explodes as a loud and extremely foul smelling fart erupts forth*

Everyone near him covers their noses and mouths to try to keep from getting sick. One old man sitting at a booth behind the man bent at the bar falls out of his booth and dies. As the fart passes the man sits back down.

Story Teller: Damn, dude! You should go see a doctor.

Merla and Cossack: *stand up.* Check Please!

Back on Planet Doom, everyone is getting ready for the wedding, again. Outside the church, the sign now reads: The First Intergalactic Temple of the Drules – Reformed. Today: The Royal Wedding of Prince Lotor to Princess Romelle, Take Two!.

At the alter, Zarkon and Lotor are standing next to each other. Yurak is behind Lotor.

Usher: *walks up to Zarkon* Five minutes to magic time.

Zarkon: Are you all right, son? You look a little “out there”.

Lotor: Don't worry about me, Father. I'm completely over her. Ha, didn't even stay for the wedding. Just grabbed her million Lionbucks and ran.

Zarkon: She didn't take the million.

Lotor: She didn't?

Zarkon: No. She just took two hundred and forty-eight Lionbucks for lunch, gas, and tolls.

Back in space, Merla and Cossack are flying along with no real destination in mind.

Cossack: I still can't believe you turned down the money. At least we could've stayed for the wedding feast. I'm starving. Have you got anything to eat?

Merla: Na. Oh, wait. Yoplait gave me that Dannon’s Danimals. *gets the cup of yogurt out of his pocket* Here, chow down. *hands it to Cossack*

Cossack: *takes the yogurt* Wow, thanks. I'll split it with you.

Merla: No.

Cossack: Okay. *opens the yogurt*

A stream of pink glitter comes out of the cup of yogurt and flies over to the doorway. The pink glitter forms into a transparent image of Yoplait.

Merla & Cossack: Yoplait!

Yoplait: Hello. Well, you opened your yogurt, so here's your fortune. Merla, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means?

Merla: *anxiously takes the medallion out of her shirt*

Yoplait: Well, here's what it means: it's a royal birth certificate. Yes. Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. Which makes you a certified princess.

Merla: Hey, I'm a princess. I'm a princess. Which means....

Yoplait: Which means, if you hurry, there could be a prince in your future. Now, if you want to get back there before he marries Sleeping Beauty, there's and special can of fuel in your glove compartment. Good luck.

Cossack: Bye, Yoplait.

Merla: And, Yoplait, thanks.

Yoplait: You're welcome. And my the Schitz be with you..... *fade away*

Merla: Cossack, open that glove compartment.

Cossack: You got it, your highness. *opens the glove compartment and pulls out a strange can*

Cossack: Wow, Liquid Schitz.

Merla: Quick, pour it in the emergency tank.

Cossack: Right.

Cossack: *opens the emergency tank lid in the floor. He pours the brown liquid into the tank. As he pours, the tank starts to glow*. Done! *closes the lid*

Merla: Hang on, Cossack, we're gonna make space-tracks. *turns the wheel sharply. The Pegasus 69 makes a sharp U-turn, squealing and leaving glowing tire tracks in its wake*

Out in space, Stealth Voltron’s head is tumbling towards a lush, green planet. Coran, Keith, and Allura are screaming.

The head falls through the clouds, crashing into trees and burying itself into the ground. Two Ewoks come swinging through on vines. They stop when they see something moving.

1ST Ewok: Eeeep…Chirp…click…eeep. *Translation: Dear me, what are those things coming out of its nose?*

The 2nd Ewok looks through binoculars and sees Keith standing on the ground. Allura is climbing down a rope, followed by Coran.

Allura: *is yelling up at Coran* Hey, hey, watch my nails!

The 2nd Ewok: Eeeep? *Translation: Lionballs?*

1st Ewok: Chirp…Eeeeek….click….click. *Translation: Oh shit. And I thought the Empire was bad*

Back on Planet Doom, the Judge Armistice is performing the wedding ceremony again.

Armistice: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together *pauses* again....

Lotor: *to Zarkon* Why didn't you tell me she didn't take the money?

Zarkon: I didn't think it was important.

Armistice: *looks at Lotor and Zarkon* May I continue, please?

Zarkon: Besides, she asked me not to tell you.

Armistice: Thank you. ....to join Princess Lotor and Princess Romelle. *pauses and looks at Lotor* I'm sorry, it's the hair. Princess Romelle and Prince Lotor in the bonds of holy matrimony.

Lotor: I see it all now. Don't you see she loves me?

Armistice: Excuse me, I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet.

Lotor: I'm sorry.

Zarkon: I'm sorry.

Romelle: *yawning* I'm sorry, too.

Armistice: Don't be sorry, be quiet.

Lotor:, Zarkon, & Romelle: I'm sorry!

Armistice: ....to join Princess Lotor and Prince Romelle in the bonds of holy....

The Pegasus 69 flies over the church.

Armistice: ....moly.

Audience starts murmuring and look around, wondering what is going on.

Armistice: Matrimony.

Lotor: That's her. I know it's her. She's come back.

Armistice: That's it. We're gonna take no more chances. I’m going to do the short version. *speaking quickly* Do you Princess Romelle take Prince Lotor to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Romelle: *yawns and nods* Uh-huh.

Armistice: *still speaking fast* Prince Lotor, do you take Princess Romelle to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Lotor: Uh....well....I suppose. Oh, I don't know.

Merla and Cossack burst through the doorway behind everybody.

Merla: No, he doesn't!

Armistice: What?

Merla and Cossack walk down the aisle, stopping half way.

Armistice: Who the hell are you?

Merla: Princess Merla.

Lotor: Princess?

Merla: I just found out. That's what this says. *shows the medallion* I'm an honest to God princess. Will you marry me?

Lotor: Well, let me think about it. *shoves Romelle* Yes.

Merla: *walks onto the altar*

Armistice: I'm sick of this. I don't give a damn who it is, but I'm gonna marry somebody today. *to Cossack* Who are you?

Cossack: I'm the side kick.

Armistice: What's your name?

Cossack: Cossack.

Armistice: Your full-name.

Cossack: Cossack the Terrible.

Armistice: Are the one getting married?

Cossack: No.

Armistice: Then get out of the damn way!

Cossack: *scrambles off to the side.*

Armistice: Okay. Here we go, the short-short version. *to Merla* Do you?

Merla: Yes.

Armistice: *to Lotor* Do you?

Lotor: Yes.

Armistice: Good. You're married. Now kiss.

Merla: I love you.

Lotor: I love you.

Merla and Lotor kiss. Everyone starts to applaud. Cossack starts to cry.

Yurak: Well, *sniff* at least someone will be getting laid after all of this.

The Pegasus 69 takes off from Planet Doom with the words “Just Married” written on the back window. As the hyper jet kick in, pink glitter flows from the exhaust forming the words: May the Schitz be with You.

The End.

---

Disclaimer: Voltron is a registered trademark of World Events Productions. I do not own Voltron or any of the actual characters from the show. Spaceballs is the creative work of Mel Brooks. Even though I do not own any rights to Voltron or Spaceballs, Lionballs is my creative work. Please do not copy or link to it without giving proper credit to me.